Dungeons and Dragons - "Mishaps of the Brotherhood, episode one" - 8/17/09

I really should've expected this stuff to happen in a campaign that started with:
"So, you're all riding in the wagon of a traveling merchant. The wagon is jury rigged from two smaller carts, and is pulled by a donkey."
"Wait, so we already know each other?"
"Yeah, it's just easier this way."
"Oh, ok."
"What's the merchant's name?"
"What? Umm..." (Looking through papers) "...Andrew"
"...Really..."
"Yeah... stop looking at me like that."
"I'm just watching."
"I know, it's freaking me out. His name's Andrew"
"Ok, calm down."
"Anyways, the merchant slows the wagon and pulls to the side of the road.
'I hope you don't mind if I excuse myself for a moment.' He says, before he hops off the cart and leaves into the woods behind some trees."
"Is there anything to steal?"
"What? You're gonna steal from the merchant who's giving us a ride?"
"Yeah. What, we're like guards, we should be getting paid."
"Is Andrew paying us?"
"No, he is not. You aren't guards, you're just hitchhiking along with him as he makes his way through the world."
"Are we paying him?"
"No."
"Well, what does he have on the cart?"
"Mostly food. He's sort of like a produce vendor."
"Alright, I want to steal the food."
"You know, he's probably feeding us anyway."
"We don't know that."
"We could ask."
"Ok, ok. Is Andrew feeding us?"
"Yes. Andrew is giving you guys food as you need it. Still want to steal it?"
"Yeah."
"You're going to steal the food we were going to get already?"
"Yes."
"Ok, gimme a sleight of hand check."
"Alright." (Rolls)
"I'm gonna do a spot check to see if I notice him stealing from the guy who's kind enough to give us a ride and feed us for nothing in return." (Rolls)
"Congrats, Rig'm, you've just stolen apples you would've gotten anyway."
"Yay!"

This continued for a bit, until Mikey slapped Ron in a manner so epic that Ron tumbled out of the cart.

Rather than recapping the rest of the campaign in it's entirety, here's a list of highlights:

• Ron tried to steal apples (above)
• After entering a clearing filled with fog, Nick sensed magic. Mikey then issued a warrior's challenge... to the magic.
• Tj spotted and subsequently killed (and ate) a squirrel.
• The first goblin defeated dropped a laser gun, which nobody knew how to work. Assuming it was a children's toy, they gave it to an orphan in the next town.
• Tj robbed a man while in the same room. Tj is a ranger.
• The governor offered Mikey 15 gold for each of the party members to find and kill the monster in town. Mikey haggled his way to 125 gold per party member.
• Mikey left to consult the team about the job. When they returned, they gave Mickey the Barkeep and Erick the Blacksmith 5 gold each to come along to get an extra 250 gold from the governor.
• Mikey rolled to tell the age of the receptionist of the governor... He rolled low. He sat there staring, unable to determine her age.
• Tj made me list the contents of a room, going into minor details (assuming he'd steal something), only for him to say "Ok." and do nothing.
• Ron spent an entire day eating pretzels at the bar.
• Tj rolled to resist alcohol at the bar. He rolled a 20. He's now immune to booze forever.

It was a great first game, with Nick the Neutral Cleric, Mikey the Former A-Team Knight, Tj the Ranger who dresses like a Cleric and acts like a Rogue, and Ron, the Duskblade who looks like the Grim Reaper.

Curse you, Capcom

Hey, the newest RE5 Trailer is up, and I really want to watch it. Wait, The Feed over at G4 decided to put a major spoiler alert on it.

Piss, now I can't watch it. I mean, there's no way...
Not even a little.

Well, ok.

Wait, No, I can't do it. What if it's Nemesis? What if you have to fight Nemesis?A Non-Polygon, High Definition Nemesis. In surround sound. In the dark. Do I really want to ruin that? I mean, if I'm expecting it, the subsequent running for my life will be a whole lot less realistic, you know, due to the lack of urine in my pants.

Oh, crap, I just saw the comments section. Now I'm frustrated and confused.
Was that the surprise? Was that the "OMGWTFBBQ reveal tease at the end"?
I can't watch it, I have to play it myself!
Why do you do these things to me, Capcom!?

Obama is Fallout 3

It's true.
Even though he's really not all that impressive, everyone's going nuts over him, and the few of us who think he's anything but amazing are afraid to say anything for fear of becoming social outcasts.
Maybe in an ironic turn of events, Obama will actually lead us into a nuclear holocaust. I'd much prefer taking raiders down with a hunting rifle than working in a cubicle.

Ok, nevermind that, I actually enjoy Fallout 3 quite a bit.
It's not the best, but I had fun fighting giant lobsters with a sledgehammer.
I suppose if Obama invited me to go fight giant crustaceans, I'd enjoy it just as much, though.

Burrit-ughs

Why do I eat microwave burritos?
There's no logical reason except for my previous knowledge that burritos rock.
Turns out that unless burritos are prepared by me, some other minimum-wage earner*, or an actual Mexican, burritos suck.
I only eat the microwaved ones because I enjoy hot sauce and cheese.
Why can't I just eat hot sauce and cheese?


*"minimum-wage earner" doesn't apply to factory workers. If you work in a factory, you're a glorified child-servant.

Escape from Australia could be a great movie.

So, I've been working on Musical Improv for a while now, and I'm starting to get better.
Anyways, I Googled "A strange place to go on vacation".
Yes, I asked Google for an improv suggestion.
Anyways, I decided on Australia, and well...

Got on a plane to Australia
and this dangerous tale I'm gonna tell-ya
My buddy got killed by them koala bears
I witnessed it all and could only stare
Ya gotta watch out for the deadly snakes
for they only see you on a dinner plate.
And if you find yourself a grizzly bear,
don't worry, it's all prob'ly a nightmare.


Ya gotta get. out. of.
Australia
For the Kangaroos are gonna kill-ya.

Gotta get. out. of. Australia.

Before them Kangaroooos...

Ya gotta get. out. of.
Australia,
For the Kangaroos are gonna kill-ya.

Gotta get. out. of. Australia.

Because them Kangaroooos.


Then there was a bridge and some more, but I can't really remember it...

The Power of Inflection

Inflection is a very important thing in speech.
To prove this point, read this sentence aloud:
"Have you pooped a muffin today?"

Now, there are about 15 different ways to read this, but let's just
take a look at the difference in a couple.

If you read it like "Have you pooped a muffin today?",
essentially you're inquiring as to if someone has, in fact,
excreted a delicious baked good from their posterior.
This is the default form of the sentence.

Another is, "Have you pooped a muffin today?"
This is a bit different, rather than asking if someone else
has dropped a healthy load of banana-nut muffin,
you're bragging about your own.
You might as well tag, "...because I sure have" on the end.

A third is "Have you pooped a muffin today?",
where you're basically just asking
"I know you've encountered muffins today, but, perchance, did that happen to involve the exiting of your rectum from said muffin?"

An equally disturbing version is "Have you pooped a muffin today?"
Which equates to "Look, I know you've pooped a muffin, that's no big news, but I'm just wondering, was the number of muffins you pooped greater than or equal to 1?"

Moving right along, "Have you pooped a muffin today?"
is kind of like "Hey there, I know your day was good, but just how good was it?"

Our final example is "Have you pooped a muffin today?"
Which sounds like something either a doctor or psychotherapist would be asking.