Dungeons and Dragons - "Mishaps of the Brotherhood, episode two) 8/27/09

• Michael began playing, introducing his bard. He joined the party by hitchhiking. Andrew didn't notice, and rode by. Promising women and liquor, Michael swayed Tj to stop the cart.
• After riding along for a bit with their new friend, a farmer ran out into the street begging for help. His farm had been overrun with monsters!
• Mikey and Ron dashed to the rescue. Tj and Michael stayed in the cart.
• Wait... Where'd the Cleric go?
• Ron rushed into the farmhouse first, and was quickly attacked by a small beast leaping onto his face!
  
• The farmer lunged forward, stabbing the beast with a pitchfork... Which also stabbed Ron in the face.
• "What was it that attacked me?" "Do a knowledge (nature) check." "14" "Badger" "...A badger attacked my face?"
• Hearing the commotion, Michael grabbed Tj by the ear and began pulling him toward the farmhouse.
• Tj stabbed Michael in the side for grabbing his ear.
• In the back storage room of the farmhouse, there was a bear. They fought a bear. It was awesome.
• Tj stole peaches from the storeroom.
• The farmer decided to reward the party with jars of peaches for their trouble.
• Tj received extra peaches.
• Michael peed in Tj's peaches.
• Tj peed in the still of "Mickey's Tavern"
• Ron peed in Tj's peaches.
• Michael and Mikey argued about whether or not to kill a possessed man.
• Tj heard banging on his door of the inn. He swung the door open, stabbed the zombie at the door in the face, then it fell down the stairs. (Insert inside joke here)
• Mikey came out of his room at this time, finding Tj naked standing over a dead man at the bottom of the stairs.
• Ron and Michael showed up just in time to prove it was a zombie to prevent Mikey from killing Tj.
• After Mikey refused to fight dirty, Michael said to him "Wow, do you do anything useful? Wanna fetch me a beer, bitch?"

Curse you, Capcom

Hey, the newest RE5 Trailer is up, and I really want to watch it. Wait, The Feed over at G4 decided to put a major spoiler alert on it.

Piss, now I can't watch it. I mean, there's no way...
Not even a little.

Well, ok.

Wait, No, I can't do it. What if it's Nemesis? What if you have to fight Nemesis?A Non-Polygon, High Definition Nemesis. In surround sound. In the dark. Do I really want to ruin that? I mean, if I'm expecting it, the subsequent running for my life will be a whole lot less realistic, you know, due to the lack of urine in my pants.

Oh, crap, I just saw the comments section. Now I'm frustrated and confused.
Was that the surprise? Was that the "OMGWTFBBQ reveal tease at the end"?
I can't watch it, I have to play it myself!
Why do you do these things to me, Capcom!?

Wait... 2008 is over? Seriously?

Wow, it feels really weird having 2008 end.
I mean, we're a month into 2009 and I just now realized just how much happened in the last year.
Some major events include

• Had my first girlfriend.
• Started taking theatre seriously.
• Decided writing wasn't just for chicks and/or queers.
• Learned musical improv.
• Found out a whole new meaning to the word "friendship". Also, it involves lightsabers.
  
• Experienced heartbreak.
• Had a job.
• Had 2 jobs.
• No, seriously, 2 effing jobs. Like, 75 hours a week. It was insane.
• Wrote a song for a girl.
• Wrote a song for a car.
  
• Wrote a song for the guys that came to fix our electricity.
• Discovered StumbleUpon.
• Felt dissatisfaction with the life I lead.
• Started reading comic books more seriously.
• Actually read because I felt like it.
• Discovered a new level of loneliness.
• Blamed myself for things beyond my control.
• Learned to use a longbow.
• Played guitar seriously.
• Lost some friends.
• Rediscovered my talents and passions.
• Decided on a career.
• Yelled at someone because they were being douchey.
• Watched movies and thought about them as art.
• Experienced a range of emotions I hadn't known before.
• Pooped a muffin.

And I'm sure there were a thousand other things that happened, but really, that's the point, isn't it? A new year is almost a sad thing, because with it comes a realization that all those good times are in the past. You can hope for new good times, but nonetheless, all those experiences are gone, and if they come back, they aren't fresh anymore.
I'm not trying to write a "Live for Today" sort of deal. I'm really just saying that 2008 was really good to me, and I'll miss it dearly. Let's hope 2009 is as good, but not better. Asking for better makes you greedy, and we all know what happens when you're greedy.

That's right, you're kicked out of the orphanage after the fat man goes "MOOOOOOOORE?"

Obama is Fallout 3

It's true.
Even though he's really not all that impressive, everyone's going nuts over him, and the few of us who think he's anything but amazing are afraid to say anything for fear of becoming social outcasts.
Maybe in an ironic turn of events, Obama will actually lead us into a nuclear holocaust. I'd much prefer taking raiders down with a hunting rifle than working in a cubicle.

Ok, nevermind that, I actually enjoy Fallout 3 quite a bit.
It's not the best, but I had fun fighting giant lobsters with a sledgehammer.
I suppose if Obama invited me to go fight giant crustaceans, I'd enjoy it just as much, though.

Burrit-ughs

Why do I eat microwave burritos?
There's no logical reason except for my previous knowledge that burritos rock.
Turns out that unless burritos are prepared by me, some other minimum-wage earner*, or an actual Mexican, burritos suck.
I only eat the microwaved ones because I enjoy hot sauce and cheese.
Why can't I just eat hot sauce and cheese?


*"minimum-wage earner" doesn't apply to factory workers. If you work in a factory, you're a glorified child-servant.

Escape from Australia could be a great movie.

So, I've been working on Musical Improv for a while now, and I'm starting to get better.
Anyways, I Googled "A strange place to go on vacation".
Yes, I asked Google for an improv suggestion.
Anyways, I decided on Australia, and well...

Got on a plane to Australia
and this dangerous tale I'm gonna tell-ya
My buddy got killed by them koala bears
I witnessed it all and could only stare
Ya gotta watch out for the deadly snakes
for they only see you on a dinner plate.
And if you find yourself a grizzly bear,
don't worry, it's all prob'ly a nightmare.


Ya gotta get. out. of.
Australia
For the Kangaroos are gonna kill-ya.

Gotta get. out. of. Australia.

Before them Kangaroooos...

Ya gotta get. out. of.
Australia,
For the Kangaroos are gonna kill-ya.

Gotta get. out. of. Australia.

Because them Kangaroooos.


Then there was a bridge and some more, but I can't really remember it...

The Power of Inflection

Inflection is a very important thing in speech.
To prove this point, read this sentence aloud:
"Have you pooped a muffin today?"

Now, there are about 15 different ways to read this, but let's just
take a look at the difference in a couple.

If you read it like "Have you pooped a muffin today?",
essentially you're inquiring as to if someone has, in fact,
excreted a delicious baked good from their posterior.
This is the default form of the sentence.

Another is, "Have you pooped a muffin today?"
This is a bit different, rather than asking if someone else
has dropped a healthy load of banana-nut muffin,
you're bragging about your own.
You might as well tag, "...because I sure have" on the end.

A third is "Have you pooped a muffin today?",
where you're basically just asking
"I know you've encountered muffins today, but, perchance, did that happen to involve the exiting of your rectum from said muffin?"

An equally disturbing version is "Have you pooped a muffin today?"
Which equates to "Look, I know you've pooped a muffin, that's no big news, but I'm just wondering, was the number of muffins you pooped greater than or equal to 1?"

Moving right along, "Have you pooped a muffin today?"
is kind of like "Hey there, I know your day was good, but just how good was it?"

Our final example is "Have you pooped a muffin today?"
Which sounds like something either a doctor or psychotherapist would be asking.