Dungeons and Dragons - "Mishaps of the Brotherhood, episode two) 8/27/09

• Michael began playing, introducing his bard. He joined the party by hitchhiking. Andrew didn't notice, and rode by. Promising women and liquor, Michael swayed Tj to stop the cart.
• After riding along for a bit with their new friend, a farmer ran out into the street begging for help. His farm had been overrun with monsters!
• Mikey and Ron dashed to the rescue. Tj and Michael stayed in the cart.
• Wait... Where'd the Cleric go?
• Ron rushed into the farmhouse first, and was quickly attacked by a small beast leaping onto his face!
  
• The farmer lunged forward, stabbing the beast with a pitchfork... Which also stabbed Ron in the face.
• "What was it that attacked me?" "Do a knowledge (nature) check." "14" "Badger" "...A badger attacked my face?"
• Hearing the commotion, Michael grabbed Tj by the ear and began pulling him toward the farmhouse.
• Tj stabbed Michael in the side for grabbing his ear.
• In the back storage room of the farmhouse, there was a bear. They fought a bear. It was awesome.
• Tj stole peaches from the storeroom.
• The farmer decided to reward the party with jars of peaches for their trouble.
• Tj received extra peaches.
• Michael peed in Tj's peaches.
• Tj peed in the still of "Mickey's Tavern"
• Ron peed in Tj's peaches.
• Michael and Mikey argued about whether or not to kill a possessed man.
• Tj heard banging on his door of the inn. He swung the door open, stabbed the zombie at the door in the face, then it fell down the stairs. (Insert inside joke here)
• Mikey came out of his room at this time, finding Tj naked standing over a dead man at the bottom of the stairs.
• Ron and Michael showed up just in time to prove it was a zombie to prevent Mikey from killing Tj.
• After Mikey refused to fight dirty, Michael said to him "Wow, do you do anything useful? Wanna fetch me a beer, bitch?"

Dungeons and Dragons - "Mishaps of the Brotherhood, episode one" - 8/17/09

I really should've expected this stuff to happen in a campaign that started with:
"So, you're all riding in the wagon of a traveling merchant. The wagon is jury rigged from two smaller carts, and is pulled by a donkey."
"Wait, so we already know each other?"
"Yeah, it's just easier this way."
"Oh, ok."
"What's the merchant's name?"
"What? Umm..." (Looking through papers) "...Andrew"
"...Really..."
"Yeah... stop looking at me like that."
"I'm just watching."
"I know, it's freaking me out. His name's Andrew"
"Ok, calm down."
"Anyways, the merchant slows the wagon and pulls to the side of the road.
'I hope you don't mind if I excuse myself for a moment.' He says, before he hops off the cart and leaves into the woods behind some trees."
"Is there anything to steal?"
"What? You're gonna steal from the merchant who's giving us a ride?"
"Yeah. What, we're like guards, we should be getting paid."
"Is Andrew paying us?"
"No, he is not. You aren't guards, you're just hitchhiking along with him as he makes his way through the world."
"Are we paying him?"
"No."
"Well, what does he have on the cart?"
"Mostly food. He's sort of like a produce vendor."
"Alright, I want to steal the food."
"You know, he's probably feeding us anyway."
"We don't know that."
"We could ask."
"Ok, ok. Is Andrew feeding us?"
"Yes. Andrew is giving you guys food as you need it. Still want to steal it?"
"Yeah."
"You're going to steal the food we were going to get already?"
"Yes."
"Ok, gimme a sleight of hand check."
"Alright." (Rolls)
"I'm gonna do a spot check to see if I notice him stealing from the guy who's kind enough to give us a ride and feed us for nothing in return." (Rolls)
"Congrats, Rig'm, you've just stolen apples you would've gotten anyway."
"Yay!"

This continued for a bit, until Mikey slapped Ron in a manner so epic that Ron tumbled out of the cart.

Rather than recapping the rest of the campaign in it's entirety, here's a list of highlights:

• Ron tried to steal apples (above)
• After entering a clearing filled with fog, Nick sensed magic. Mikey then issued a warrior's challenge... to the magic.
• Tj spotted and subsequently killed (and ate) a squirrel.
• The first goblin defeated dropped a laser gun, which nobody knew how to work. Assuming it was a children's toy, they gave it to an orphan in the next town.
• Tj robbed a man while in the same room. Tj is a ranger.
• The governor offered Mikey 15 gold for each of the party members to find and kill the monster in town. Mikey haggled his way to 125 gold per party member.
• Mikey left to consult the team about the job. When they returned, they gave Mickey the Barkeep and Erick the Blacksmith 5 gold each to come along to get an extra 250 gold from the governor.
• Mikey rolled to tell the age of the receptionist of the governor... He rolled low. He sat there staring, unable to determine her age.
• Tj made me list the contents of a room, going into minor details (assuming he'd steal something), only for him to say "Ok." and do nothing.
• Ron spent an entire day eating pretzels at the bar.
• Tj rolled to resist alcohol at the bar. He rolled a 20. He's now immune to booze forever.

It was a great first game, with Nick the Neutral Cleric, Mikey the Former A-Team Knight, Tj the Ranger who dresses like a Cleric and acts like a Rogue, and Ron, the Duskblade who looks like the Grim Reaper.

Curse you, Capcom

Hey, the newest RE5 Trailer is up, and I really want to watch it. Wait, The Feed over at G4 decided to put a major spoiler alert on it.

Piss, now I can't watch it. I mean, there's no way...
Not even a little.

Well, ok.

Wait, No, I can't do it. What if it's Nemesis? What if you have to fight Nemesis?A Non-Polygon, High Definition Nemesis. In surround sound. In the dark. Do I really want to ruin that? I mean, if I'm expecting it, the subsequent running for my life will be a whole lot less realistic, you know, due to the lack of urine in my pants.

Oh, crap, I just saw the comments section. Now I'm frustrated and confused.
Was that the surprise? Was that the "OMGWTFBBQ reveal tease at the end"?
I can't watch it, I have to play it myself!
Why do you do these things to me, Capcom!?

When you put out the Warthog, I'll be impressed.

Holy crap. Holy crap. Did you see that? On TV.
That Lexus that almost hit the truck and then it went in slomo and the people pushed it back and blahblahblah. IT HAD A HUD.
Not a HOOD, for my barely literate readers. It had a HUD, or rather a Heads-Up Display. Somebody designing cars was sitting at home playing Halo and then suddenly thought... "Man, if only real cars had one of these... Wait a minute..."
And on Monday morning, he was considered a visionary.
Now when can I expect a Ghost in my driveway?