Why do I keep trying to talk to you?
It never satisfying. I'm never glad afterward. Why do I keep trying?
If you aren't leaving after I ask a question, you're being condescending and hiding an insult within the conversation. I know what I'm not, and I'm comfortable with that.
I never should have replied to that text. We wouldn't be talking, you'd move on, and then maybe so could I.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Or Maybe Foosball ...
Hey,
So, you know how I keep sending you messages and stuff trying to figure out how I feel?
You know how I completely shut down after you accepted the emotional investment I was putting into a relationship with you and you decided to ignore me rather that try and help me get over it?
Remember how we didn't talk for a month, and you texted me to make sure I wasn't mad, just so I'd talk to you so you could ignore me some more?
Remember how I thought about you every time I looked at the stars?
Remember how I told you how much I respected you?
Did you ever realize how much I cared about you?
I just wondered, since I have this whole backroom of memories I'm trying to clean up. Maybe make some room for a kind-hearted girl who doesn't mind that I'm weird, and knows that when I sing in front of people and get scared I try to make a joke about it because if I don't try then how can I fail? And we'll go sledding in the winter and we'll read comics and talk about Marvel characters and when we hang out with her friends she won't bum out on me to hang with them and assume I'll just find a niche, and we'll bake brownies and play Halo and talk on the phone until one of us finally admits that it's late and it's time to go to sleep. I'll call her late when I can't sleep because I'm thinking about her, and it'll go straight to her voicemail, and I'll leave a message about how much she means to me and how I'm so lucky to have someone like her, and when I hang up there'll be a message on my phone because she called at the exact same time. When she asks what I want to do and I say I don't know she'll have an idea, and if I do have something I want to do, she'll at least compromise and not try to guilt me. And when I leave off with a joke that renders the point of an entire blog moot, she'll know that it's because I'm scared. She'll know that I'm just so scared that someone will finally know me because if they disapprove of the act I'm just in character but if they don't like me then maybe there's something wrong.
Or, you know, I could get a pool table.
So, you know how I keep sending you messages and stuff trying to figure out how I feel?
You know how I completely shut down after you accepted the emotional investment I was putting into a relationship with you and you decided to ignore me rather that try and help me get over it?
Remember how we didn't talk for a month, and you texted me to make sure I wasn't mad, just so I'd talk to you so you could ignore me some more?
Remember how I thought about you every time I looked at the stars?
Remember how I told you how much I respected you?
Did you ever realize how much I cared about you?
I just wondered, since I have this whole backroom of memories I'm trying to clean up. Maybe make some room for a kind-hearted girl who doesn't mind that I'm weird, and knows that when I sing in front of people and get scared I try to make a joke about it because if I don't try then how can I fail? And we'll go sledding in the winter and we'll read comics and talk about Marvel characters and when we hang out with her friends she won't bum out on me to hang with them and assume I'll just find a niche, and we'll bake brownies and play Halo and talk on the phone until one of us finally admits that it's late and it's time to go to sleep. I'll call her late when I can't sleep because I'm thinking about her, and it'll go straight to her voicemail, and I'll leave a message about how much she means to me and how I'm so lucky to have someone like her, and when I hang up there'll be a message on my phone because she called at the exact same time. When she asks what I want to do and I say I don't know she'll have an idea, and if I do have something I want to do, she'll at least compromise and not try to guilt me. And when I leave off with a joke that renders the point of an entire blog moot, she'll know that it's because I'm scared. She'll know that I'm just so scared that someone will finally know me because if they disapprove of the act I'm just in character but if they don't like me then maybe there's something wrong.
Or, you know, I could get a pool table.
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