"So, you're all riding in the wagon of a traveling merchant. The wagon is jury rigged from two smaller carts, and is pulled by a donkey."
"Wait, so we already know each other?"
"Yeah, it's just easier this way."
"What's the merchant's name?"
"What? Umm..." (Looking through papers) "...Andrew"
"Yeah... stop looking at me like that."
"I'm just watching."
"I know, it's freaking me out. His name's Andrew"
"Ok, calm down."
"Anyways, the merchant slows the wagon and pulls to the side of the road.
'I hope you don't mind if I excuse myself for a moment.' He says, before he hops off the cart and leaves into the woods behind some trees."
"Is there anything to steal?"
"What? You're gonna steal from the merchant who's giving us a ride?"
"Yeah. What, we're like guards, we should be getting paid."
"Is Andrew paying us?"
"No, he is not. You aren't guards, you're just hitchhiking along with him as he makes his way through the world."
"Are we paying him?"
"Well, what does he have on the cart?"
"Mostly food. He's sort of like a produce vendor."
"Alright, I want to steal the food."
"You know, he's probably feeding us anyway."
"We don't know that."
"We could ask."
"Ok, ok. Is Andrew feeding us?"
"Yes. Andrew is giving you guys food as you need it. Still want to steal it?"
"You're going to steal the food we were going to get already?"
"Ok, gimme a sleight of hand check."
"I'm gonna do a spot check to see if I notice him stealing from the guy who's kind enough to give us a ride and feed us for nothing in return." (Rolls)
"Congrats, Rig'm, you've just stolen apples you would've gotten anyway."
This continued for a bit, until Mikey slapped Ron in a manner so epic that Ron tumbled out of the cart.
Rather than recapping the rest of the campaign in it's entirety, here's a list of highlights:
- Ron tried to steal apples (above)
- After entering a clearing filled with fog, Nick sensed magic. Mikey then issued a warrior's challenge... to the magic.
- Tj spotted and subsequently killed (and ate) a squirrel.
- The first goblin defeated dropped a laser gun, which nobody knew how to work. Assuming it was a children's toy, they gave it to an orphan in the next town.
- Tj robbed a man while in the same room. Tj is a ranger.
- The governor offered Mikey 15 gold for each of the party members to find and kill the monster in town. Mikey haggled his way to 125 gold per party member.
- Mikey left to consult the team about the job. When they returned, they gave Mickey the Barkeep and Erick the Blacksmith 5 gold each to come along to get an extra 250 gold from the governor.
- Mikey rolled to tell the age of the receptionist of the governor... He rolled low. He sat there staring, unable to determine her age.
- Tj made me list the contents of a room, going into minor details (assuming he'd steal something), only for him to say "Ok." and do nothing.
- Ron spent an entire day eating pretzels at the bar.
- Tj rolled to resist alcohol at the bar. He rolled a 20. He's now immune to booze forever.